A few things are learned the hard way. I have circumstantial evidence that one of my friends did just that. I was tempted to say “I told you so” to him, but being a gentleman, I didn’t. I will just write a blog post about it. Couple of years ago, this friend of mine (henceforth known as X), embarked on a voyage countless Indian-Americans embarked on before. A month long expedition in India to find a bride and marital bliss. Before he set sail, he called me one day. Anybody who grew up in India, or watched B-grade Bollywood movies, knows about the much hyped “First Night.” (If you don’t know what it is, it is the night a married couple, even they know each other only for a few days, consummate their day old marriage) Like many a young man, he too was nervous about it. X: What do I do on that day?
Me: Dude, you hold the record for watching every porn movie ever made. Things should be clear to you by now?
X: No, my question is do people go all the way on the first night itself?
Me: I could check the census records but I don’t think they collect that data. But what does it matter to you what people do. Do what you feel is right.
X: Do you think she would be comfortable with it?
Me: That is an excellent question to ask her.
X: What if she is too shy to say?
Me: If she is too shy to talk about it, you should probably stop at the question.
X: But what if she doesn’t want me to ask questions and look like I don’t know what I am doing? I think women like their men to be manly. Take charge. Decide things for them.
Should I let him live in this happy bubble for some more time or burst it now? Me: I believe most women like to be treated with respect. They would like their opinion to matter. They may want you to take charge and lead the way in matters such as taking the car out for servicing, but in just about everything else, they want to be a part of the decision making process.
X: You are Americanized. Indian women are not like that. They respect the husband. They want the man to be in control. They don’t like sissies who can’t make up their minds. Take my word for it, I am going all the way that night. He is convinced that husband should rule with an iron fist. In his mind the picture is probably somewhat like:
Wife: Why should we always go to your favorite restaurant, can’t we eat Italian today?
Husband: We are going to Hooters, bitch. Now get in the car.
It’s difficult to argue if both of us are going by their opinions, not facts or statistics. I didn’t let the argument continue. X went to India. Got married. Got back with his lovely wife on the scheduled date, like clock work. I didn’t ask him what happened on the first night.Recently, another friend of mine, Y, was getting married. X and I called Y together to congratulate him. I gave my usual marriage advice to Y, such as “Don’t get married.” etc. X was silent until Y asked him if X had any advice for him. X said flatly, “Don’t expect much action on the first night.”