Next stop, insanity

Monday, October 16, 2006

A barbaric experience

The cloth tightened around my neck rendering me completely immobile. He ran his fingers through my hair and said, “You have thick hair.” From the corner of my eye I could see the glistening knife on the table. Then he asked the question. I knew my answer had no bearing on the outcome. I know my fate has been sealed. He repeated the question.

“Do you want your hair short or medium?”

Yes, I was at the barber. As you can see, going to the barber is not something I look forward to eagerly. I generally let my hair grow until I have almost the same hairstyling options as my wife. Last week after finally yielding to my wife’s helpful hints and the annoyance of hair failing in my eyes, I dragged myself to my favorite barber.

The advantage with my barber is that he doesn’t leave a hole in your pocket, but the disadvantage is he might, on your skin. On the day I decided to visit him, he was apparently out of town and entrusted his uncle, an old Vietnamese gentleman, with mowing the hairy heads that wander thither. I didn’t view it as a cause for concern at the time.

After he worked on my hair for half hour with a variety of instruments including three kinds of scissors, a knife and an 18-cerntury looking electric razor, I started growing concerned about the state of my hair. He firmly assured me everything was alright and advised that I go right back to watching the TV. While I tried to engross myself in the game on the TV, which I couldn’t understand a bit of, he tried to make small talk by asking, “You are a fan of baseball, eh?” That jolted me to rapt attention, alarm bells ringing loud. Because it was football that was on the TV, not baseball. That is when I realized, that guy was practically blind! I tried to salvage my remaining hair by being his seeing eye, but without much avail.

Needless to say I emerged the barber shop looking like a poodle run over by a lawn-mower. That is the price you pay for not paying attention when a vintage Vietnamese guy is going at your hair like he never cut before.


Never has a photograph been so much in demand since The Sun printed Saddam Hussein in underpants. I wish I had a taken a picture as soon as I came out of the barber shop when the damage was most visible. After 10 days and some strategic readjustment, I have recuperated now. I promise to post a pic next time I am in a shape to provide quality entertainment.


  • did this really happen to u? sounds unbelievable. I mean a barber entrusting the customers on someone who does not know how to do a hair cut?

    By Blogger itchingtowrite, at Mon Oct 16, 01:55:00 AM 2006  

  • Ehh...that must'be a hair-rising hair-cutting experience.Sorry about the bad pun...but couldn't help.

    By Blogger Bishu, at Mon Oct 16, 02:26:00 AM 2006  

  • u were a victim too.. I have been a victim of this before and trust seems like eternity before they grow again.. and by then everyone has witnessed the disaster. :)

    By Blogger || sbk ||, at Mon Oct 16, 03:03:00 AM 2006  

  • Wouldn't happen to have a picture around would you? :)

    By Blogger The Agony Aunt, at Mon Oct 16, 03:33:00 AM 2006  

  • My god!!!I really wanna know what did ur wife say abt ur hair style...were there any hair left too on ur head???I am imagining you right now with half chopped up hair, long from one side, razored out from the other....tell me more! :D

    By Blogger Neha, at Mon Oct 16, 04:53:00 AM 2006  

  • hahhaha....I suffer from the same! I am terribly scared of going to hairdressers for the same reason! I never come out of the parlour without sobbing first! and then, we is just hard for us! we have to pay a huge price for that!:(

    please accept my sympathies!!

    By Blogger Yashita, at Mon Oct 16, 05:25:00 AM 2006  

  • Tell everyone you're setting a new trend, and stick to it. Mange is in.

    By Blogger gnightgirl, at Mon Oct 16, 06:42:00 AM 2006  

  • hell yeah! they ask all the thousand questions( you want a number 4 or 3, when the fact is they dont know Im weak at numbers) and finally end up in giving you a nice zombie look after your haircut! I've been a victim on this too!

    By Blogger indianangel, at Mon Oct 16, 07:21:00 AM 2006  

  • Nope. Don't believe you. Sorry.
    Not until I see a picture! >:)

    What did the wife say?

    By Blogger Nee, at Mon Oct 16, 07:50:00 AM 2006  

  • LOL!! Hubby went through series of hair cut & salons before we liked one. Now its always him but before it was like looking at new clown after every hair cut.. LOL (Good thing my hubby doesn’t read comments;-) seriously, it was either his nose looked big or forehead was looking huge or complete face was totally different depending on his new hair cut.. hehe

    How about shaving it completely and tell everyone Im experimenting Bald & Handsome thing:-)

    By Blogger mommyof2, at Mon Oct 16, 07:53:00 AM 2006  

  • well unlike women, you have the option of shaving it all off :-)

    By Blogger video, at Mon Oct 16, 08:19:00 AM 2006  

  • DNA:

    If it is not levelled just tonsure it.

    By Anonymous pria, at Mon Oct 16, 09:14:00 AM 2006  

  • Its during moments like these that I am thankful I am not a guy :D

    By Blogger La vida Loca, at Mon Oct 16, 09:29:00 AM 2006  

  • you should post your picture with this hair cut to make your post even more interesting:):)

    By Blogger SM, at Mon Oct 16, 11:54:00 AM 2006  

  • hahahhahaha (donkey ,eddie style). can we also have ur pic here for more laughter!!!

    By Blogger Pallavi, at Mon Oct 16, 12:12:00 PM 2006  

  • I think we're all in agreement here, let's see a picture!

    By Blogger Alan, at Mon Oct 16, 02:13:00 PM 2006  

  • What is it with men going to senile barbers?!?!

    By Blogger Jamie, at Mon Oct 16, 06:23:00 PM 2006  

  • o cmon mate the grass will grow back LOL!


    By Blogger Keshi, at Mon Oct 16, 06:37:00 PM 2006  

  • hi. long time no see on my blog:(( pls come

    By Blogger itchingtowrite, at Mon Oct 16, 09:16:00 PM 2006  

  • "looking like a poodle run over by a lawn-mower" sounds something like Nazi officer's haircut...ha ha.what a way to get an ultimate vintage hairstyle..;)

    By Anonymous Lera, at Mon Oct 16, 09:24:00 PM 2006  

  • I can just picture you looking like a poodle run over by a lawn mower.

    By Blogger starry nights, at Mon Oct 16, 09:52:00 PM 2006  

  • i've had baaaaaaaaad luck wit haircuts as well! pooh! but i jus convince myself saying, "its just hair. it'll grow back!".. :)
    keep writing!

    By Blogger Harini, at Mon Oct 16, 10:35:00 PM 2006  

  • "Poodle run over by a lawn mower" - quite a description that :-)

    Do we get to see a picture ?????

    By Blogger Gauri, at Mon Oct 16, 11:12:00 PM 2006  

  • itchingtowrite:
    Well, he knew how to give a haircut. Notice the past tense :)

    Hair rising for sure. For me and for the people who happened to see me immediately after the cut :)

    || sbk ||:
    Welcome to my blog!

    Haha. Exactly, you can't hide your face long enough for it to become normal. I at least had ad weekend in between I went public :)

    The Agony Aunt:
    I immediately banned any cameras from the vicinity ;)

    "I really wanna know what did ur wife say abt ur hair style."
    WHAT!!?? That's what she said.

    "were there any hair left too on ur head?"
    Let me put it this way, if there was no hair left, it would've looked better.

    Thanks for the sympathies :) You are right. Going for a hair cut is becoming more unpredictable than the weather!

    LOL@Mange. That's a good way to put it :)

    Ya, those questions! It doesn't matter what we answer, we are going to look the same :)

    I don't think cameras can absorb my pictures at the moment ;)

    "What did the wife say?"
    Nothing at all. She was too busy giggling.

    By Blogger Twisted DNA, at Tue Oct 17, 12:53:00 AM 2006  

  • Go bald! It can be very sexy! My ex used to do it to save haircut money and provide me with fodder for nightmares. A full paisa vasool outcome.
    Funny how everyone's thinking about hair these days..I need a new style...think I'll do a poll sometime soon...feel free to add your two cents' worth. :-)

    By Anonymous OrangeJammies, at Tue Oct 17, 12:54:00 AM 2006  

  • mommyof2:
    ROFL! Poor guy! I need to send him this comment. We are all a part of universal husbands brotherhood, you know!

    "Im experimenting Bald & Handsome thing"
    People might believe it if I leave out the "handsome" word :)

    video, pria:
    He he. I am sure I will look like "Mogambe" from Mr. India

    La vida Loca:
    Ha ha. But you see the advantages guys have is, nobody gives a damn how they look :) we can shave half the head and nobody will even notice. But if a girl as much as cuts the hair by half inch, everybody will notice!

    Hmmm.. You see I would still like to keep some visitors to this blog, you know :)

    What is your meaning in mentioning the donkey and asking me to post the picture in the same sentense? :O

    By Blogger Twisted DNA, at Tue Oct 17, 01:01:00 AM 2006  

  • Alan:
    I agree that some times a picture is a thound words but in times like this, a picture leaves people with no words :)

    "What is it with men going to senile barbers?!?!"
    There are inaccuracies in the statement. It is men going to barbers who turn out to be senile :)

    "the grass will grow back"
    I wish I had grass on my head ;)

    "sounds something like Nazi officer's haircut"
    LOL. Where did you read that Nazi officers looked liked poodles run over by lawn mowers? ;) I should grow a Hitler mustache to go with it :D

    starry nights:
    I hope the picture provided entertainment :)

    "its just hair. it'll grow back!".
    It will. After everybody has seen it and asked you about it :)

    Of a Poodle? Of course. I will get right on it :P

    "It can be very sexy"
    "Can" is the key word here ;)

    Ya, a lot of bloggers did hair posts recently!

    ".feel free to add your two cents' worth."
    How about your own suggestion? :P But seriously, I will think about it and tell you what I think will look good on you

    By Blogger Twisted DNA, at Tue Oct 17, 01:09:00 AM 2006  

  • poodle run over by a lawn mower


    Can I pleaseeeeeeeeeee see a pic!

    By Anonymous chandni, at Tue Oct 17, 03:28:00 AM 2006  

  • HAHAHA...have I told you how enertaining your entries are?

    Unlike the others...i really don't care if this is a true experience or not! It's just fun to read because of your humour...and of course we have a vivid image of what you're describing.
    You are a born writer :)

    By the way check out my HOT indian fling if you have time....

    I'm dying to know how old you are????
    And don't worry I don't go for OLDER men, nor MARRIED men ;)


    By Anonymous Darsh from Oz, at Tue Oct 17, 03:43:00 AM 2006  

  • :) ha ha ha ...Your posts are really really entertaining.

    By Anonymous Sunita, at Tue Oct 17, 04:09:00 AM 2006  

  • If you are concerned about anonymity why don't you get someone to take a shot of your head from the back and post it for your readers' entertainment purposes!

    By Blogger freespirit, at Tue Oct 17, 06:26:00 AM 2006  

  • HAhahaha....sorry, but that's so haha...


    By Blogger Nachi, at Tue Oct 17, 07:33:00 AM 2006  

  • Reminds me of the poem by Bernard Shaw

    The Barber came to cut my hair,
    I told him that it wasn't fair.
    My hair had done him no harm,
    Without it I would loose my charm.
    The Barber he grinned a silly grin,
    Said to cut my hair would be no sin.
    That I should face it like a man,
    But I'm a coward and away I ran.
    Do you like sitting in a Barbers chair,
    With him chopping away your lovely hair.
    Once my head was full of curls,
    Covering my face with twisty twirls.
    But then the Barber came my way,
    I was a child, I had no say.
    Off came my curls one by one,
    The Barber seemed to have great fun.
    Now I'm old and very very grey,
    I'm nearly bald, my hairs gone away.
    But when I see a Barbers chair,
    I feel the loss of my curly hair.
    You know I truly rue the day,
    When that first Barber came my way.

    Bernard Shaw.

    There was another poem too.. I guess by D.H. Lawrence and that's even more hilarious - same story long hair and involving a barber wielding scythes and stuff. I cannot seem to recall it now. aarrggh.

    By Anonymous Mythili, at Tue Oct 17, 09:56:00 AM 2006  

  • :)

    A trip to the barber/hairdresser is always harrowing. You go in as 1 person, come out as another. *horrors*

    tho' to be honest a picture is worth a thousand words rt? :)

    By Blogger rads, at Tue Oct 17, 10:17:00 AM 2006  

  • Why didn't you put up a head shot there man?!:D:D That's funny!!

    By Blogger Foodie's Hope, at Tue Oct 17, 12:03:00 PM 2006  

  • A bad haircut is like an alter ego. Sometimes they just aren't working for us. Thanks for abusing yourself for my enjoyment!

    By Blogger Pickled Olives, at Tue Oct 17, 12:10:00 PM 2006  

  • Thank you, TD! I look forward to your suggestions!

    By Anonymous OrangeJammies, at Tue Oct 17, 01:40:00 PM 2006  

  • A very happy Diwali Twisted DNA! :) Hope you had good fun and have a great year ahead..


    By Blogger Dr@ma Div@, at Tue Oct 17, 05:31:00 PM 2006  

  • Chandni:
    Not a good idea. Once you see the pic, you can't undo the impact ;)

    Darsh from Oz:
    Thanks Darshini for the encouragement.

    "You are a born writer :) "
    Haha. Looks like I came a long way since bathroom graffiti ;)

    I will check out your piece.

    I am 32, feel like 20 and think like 60.

    "I don't go for OLDER men, nor MARRIED men ;)"
    LOL. I know, as we get older we become stronger female repellents :D

    Thank you :)

    "Why don't you get someone to take a shot of your head"
    How would I do that? By hiring a hitman? ;)

    Glad you enjoyed my misery :D

    I never heard that poem. It's really funny. GBS is one witty person! I am pretty literature challenged. I didn't read that much in English but nice to meet people who did.

    "You go in as 1 person, come out as another"
    Yes, and you come out as a different person each time :) I for sure do!

    Foodie's Hope:
    "Why didn't you put up a head shot there"
    I could but then but why spoil the nice site? :)

    Pickled Olives:
    "A bad haircut is like an alter ego. Sometimes they just aren't working for us"
    Sometimes? My alter ego is like my nemesis. He hates me.

    drama diva:
    Hey! Happy Diwali to you too! Will you get to see some fireworks like us who has to make dew with the fireworks in the E-Cards that are sent to us? :)

    By Blogger Twisted DNA, at Wed Oct 18, 12:57:00 AM 2006  

  • nice one - TDNA and Mythili yours' too ro shld I say Shaw's

    By Blogger artnavy, at Wed Oct 18, 03:36:00 AM 2006  

  • Welcome to the "Hair Cut" bloggers club. A little late, but you did come in with a bang! :)

    By Blogger Anu, at Wed Oct 18, 03:47:00 AM 2006  

  • i know exactly how you feel.. Unlike you I voluntarily get me hair cut once in 20 days! I just get bored with the previous style and shell out close to 500 rupees every time to get all the wierdly named hair cuts from razor cut to uneven steps to feather cut! I have no idea how it is supposed to look and so they have absolutely no problems in convincing me finally that this is exactly how the hair cut should look like!

    So, finally I got named pura koodu (which means a bird's nest) by my friends and the name stuck!

    By Blogger R.E.B.E.L, at Wed Oct 18, 04:08:00 AM 2006  

  • artnavy:
    Thanks! I agree that Mythili found a real nice poem

    "but you did come in with a bang"
    No I didn't have enough hair left to have a bang :D

    LOL@pura koodu! If it is any consolation, I am called names much worse than that!

    "wierdly named hair cuts" LOL. I didn't even do that. All I said was "short" which did equal damage :)

    By Blogger Twisted DNA, at Wed Oct 18, 08:08:00 AM 2006  

  • It shouldn't be this hard to get a haircut. There are other things to worry about in life. Like seriously!

    By Blogger sinusoidally, at Wed Oct 18, 08:10:00 AM 2006  

  • husband has similar concerns...poor soul as little hair that he is left (he is balding young and fast)...more careful he has to be with the barber.....

    and you know what even for me I have a surprise in store for me everytime I go to a hair dresser because here they cut hair with a razor like device...and the damage is not visible till the end of the ordeal

    By Blogger dumbdodi, at Wed Oct 18, 10:14:00 AM 2006  

  • :) Been there, done that. Now, I crop my own hair. Awesome, stingy and quick - all the traits of a true desi!

    By Blogger samurai, at Wed Oct 18, 02:01:00 PM 2006  

  • then I'd be the cow munching em :):)


    By Blogger Keshi, at Wed Oct 18, 05:31:00 PM 2006  

  • a photo would have still been appreciated... you could have probably called it sad adam.. he he...( thats what you calll a genunely bad PJ... sincere appologies)

    anyway the good thing about hair is that they usually grow back...
    you ll probably have to be more careful once you pass that stage :P

    By Blogger the vestige, at Wed Oct 18, 06:59:00 PM 2006  

  • the dying to see it. nice blog

    By Blogger Appu, at Wed Oct 18, 11:17:00 PM 2006  

  • sinusoidally:
    The mistake I made was thinking there were other important things in life. I completely ignored the guy and his atrocity to my hair! :) But I agree in general though. There are more important things in life, like stitching up dead birds ;)

    Haha. That's a good one. The less hair you have the more precious it becomes :) I am not too far from that I guess.

    "Awesome, stingy and quick - all the traits of a true desi!"
    ROFL. I should do it and prove to myself I am a 100% desi!


    the vestige:
    "sad adam"
    :) hmmm ;)

    Ya, as dumbdodi said above, lesser the hair more careful we have to be!

    Thanks for the compliments!

    "the dying to see it."
    Man this demand is overwhelming. If I had a nice hair cut and wanted to flaunt it, I am sure nobody would be willing to see it :D

    By Blogger Twisted DNA, at Thu Oct 19, 12:14:00 AM 2006  

  • LOL. Post the pictures!! We want to see the culprit's handwork. (smile)

    By Blogger Calabar Gal, at Thu Oct 19, 06:58:00 PM 2006  

  • Heyy
    happy diwali :D

    By Blogger La vida Loca, at Thu Oct 19, 09:04:00 PM 2006  

  • Happy Diwali my friend!


    By Blogger Keshi, at Thu Oct 19, 10:33:00 PM 2006  

  • helllo :D

    Back in elementary school my mom would cut my hair,and it would NEVER be equal :).
    The fate sealing period was funny :D

    By Blogger Nida, at Fri Oct 20, 02:00:00 AM 2006  

  • Hi Twisted,

    Thanks for the addition to the blog roll! I've several post ideas running around my head, so there should be plenty more to come.


    By Blogger Alan, at Fri Oct 20, 05:07:00 AM 2006  

  • sorry for this off topic comment here. have a safe and sweet diwali

    By Blogger indianangel, at Fri Oct 20, 06:56:00 AM 2006  

  • First time here.
    I hope the profession you're in involves creative writing! This post was hilarious!! :-)
    Happy Diwali!

    By Blogger Vani, at Fri Oct 20, 02:28:00 PM 2006  

  • Happy Diwali!!:-)

    By Blogger mommyof2, at Sat Oct 21, 08:30:00 AM 2006  

  • wherez the pic????

    By Blogger PSV, at Sat Oct 21, 03:56:00 PM 2006  

  • nameste

    By Blogger sanjay jha, at Sat Oct 21, 09:13:00 PM 2006  

  • haha,
    hilarious as always!....somehow i always get blues everytime I need to have a haircut wondering what I am gonna come out of the parlour looking like!

    By Blogger Ekta, at Sat Oct 21, 10:18:00 PM 2006  

  • lolz :P
    i never knew getting the hair done is so difficult :))

    By Blogger White Forest, at Sun Oct 22, 08:58:00 AM 2006  

  • even google has put up a pointer on their site "we dont have pics of twisted dna, so stop clogging our servers"
    fame is just a hair's length away

    By Blogger jhantu, at Mon Oct 23, 06:53:00 AM 2006  

  • Hey,
    You sure should ave posted a pic. Anyway, we will await until next time.
    Going to Barber is indeed an exp that leaves a dirty hangover; I too feel the same, and so far thought I am the only one. But now I have someone similar. Does that mean I too have something twisted in me?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Mon Oct 23, 07:25:00 PM 2006  

  • oh ya a pic is a must!! heh heh...hope the damage gets repairable soon!
    And hope there is no next time.....

    By Blogger Varsha, at Tue Oct 24, 01:34:00 AM 2006  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wed Oct 25, 03:52:00 PM 2006  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wed Oct 25, 03:53:00 PM 2006  

  • oh dear im totally afraid of hair dressers - theyre scary especially the gay ones

    By Blogger visithra, at Fri Nov 10, 07:16:00 PM 2006  

  • he he he...good one.
    Like the way you see your life as fun & don't mind making fun of yourself :-)

    By Blogger I've got something to say, at Mon Mar 12, 02:14:00 PM 2007  

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