I name thee *bleep*

We all giggle behind the backs of Asians with funny names, like, “Phat Chin” or “Suk Mi.” But we, Indian-Americans, tend to be remiss when naming our own kids who are going to live in the US their whole life.

There is an immediate danger for kids with “lost in translation” names - the school bullies who infest the American school system. A brown skinned kid munching on chapattis is a target enough for these bullies. The doomed kid having a name from hell (or heaven, depending on which side of bullying you are on) is a cherry on top.

Consider the following names I heard recently. These kids are going to grow up in the US.

Harshit	He is my friend’s son who is going to start school soon! What’s worse is that, some above average bullies, who actually learnt the alphabet, may be able to tweak his last name into “head.” These kids can quickly put two and two together - ok, they probably suck at math - but they can put the words together.
Gopi	An innocent looking name that can be construed as a command to relieve oneself.
Asman	On the bright side, if the kid wants to become a porn star, he won’t have to search for a stage name
Anal	I kid you not! This is a real name.
Gayatri	References to sexual orientation must be avoided in names too.
Sukdeep	(I confess, I heard it on the Russell Peter’s show). If he had a brother, would he be called Sukdeeper?

Hopefully, nobody will name their kid “Fakrud.”