El Amigo Loco

If any application form asks "Any disabilities?" most men should put down "Cooking." A majority of us, me included, can't make hot water without instructions. So when one such culinary Neanderthal friend of mine started a phone conversation with "So I tried to cook," I knew the ending would involve fireworks.

This friend, who moved to the US recently, has been a lavish patron of local restaurants. In a moment of hallucination he thought he could cook and bought one of those gourmet frozen chickens.

The instructions looked simple enough:

1. Preheat the oven to 400F
2. Cook for 45 minutes

So our friend followed the instructions, started the cooking and popped into the shower expecting to be enveloped by aromas of delicious chicken by the time he was out. In about 20 minutes, his olfactory senses were assaulted by the smell of a dead bird burning. Promptly followed by some smoke seeping in from under the bathroom door and high pitched smoke-alarm, for added effect.

As our friend streaked out and retrieved the ashes of the cremated bird, he realized the mistakes he made. Here are the lessons he learned from the experience:

1. When the instructions include seemingly non-English words such as "preheat" don't just skip over them.
2. When the instructions say "oven" don't automatically assume it meant Microwave oven