Next stop, insanity

Thursday, August 31, 2006

El Amigo Loco

If any application form asks "Any disabilities?" most men should put down "Cooking." A majority of us, me included, can't make hot water without instructions. So when one such culinary Neanderthal friend of mine started a phone conversation with "So I tried to cook," I knew the ending would involve fireworks.

This friend, who moved to the US recently, has been a lavish patron of local restaurants. In a moment of hallucination he thought he could cook and bought one of those gourmet frozen chickens.

The instructions looked simple enough:

  1. Preheat the oven to 400F
  2. Cook for 45 minutes

So our friend followed the instructions, started the cooking and popped into the shower expecting to be enveloped by aromas of delicious chicken by the time he was out. In about 20 minutes, his olfactory senses were assaulted by the smell of a dead bird burning. Promptly followed by some smoke seeping in from under the bathroom door and high pitched smoke-alarm, for added effect.

As our friend streaked out and retrieved the ashes of the cremated bird, he realized the mistakes he made. Here are the lessons he learned from the experience:

  1. When the instructions include seemingly non-English words such as "preheat" don't just skip over them.
  2. When the instructions say "oven" don't automatically assume it meant Microwave oven


  • Lol!!!

    By Blogger Sush, at Fri Sep 01, 01:52:00 AM 2006  

  • sister made that "preheat" mistake once...I always use trial and error method where microwave ovens are concerned!helps most of the time:)

    By Blogger Yashita, at Fri Sep 01, 02:56:00 AM 2006  

  • LOL...great story

    By Blogger dumbdodi, at Fri Sep 01, 03:37:00 AM 2006  

  • Well we had such an incident with Mozzarella Cheese Sticks in the Microwave. Only, we managed to burn the oven as well :)

    By Blogger Anu, at Fri Sep 01, 05:50:00 AM 2006  

  • i luuvvve cooking klut stories......ohh those days of burnt sambar, charred chapatis and over cooked,under salted what not!!

    By Blogger La vida Loca, at Fri Sep 01, 07:24:00 AM 2006  

  • I bet el pollo loco wasn't too impressed either. Make sure you grab a bite before going to visit your friend---might be safest.

    By Blogger jay are, at Fri Sep 01, 07:45:00 AM 2006  

  • LOL!

    By Blogger Jamie, at Fri Sep 01, 02:11:00 PM 2006  

  • Oh, good Lord.

    Okay, I really thought it was going to involve platic wrap or something, like he forgot to take it out of the package.
    Putting a bird in the microwave for 45 minutes? Mmmmm, good burnt bird.

    By Blogger Party Girl, at Fri Sep 01, 02:37:00 PM 2006  

  • Oh my gosh! those were hilarious mistakes for the kitchen. I know a couple of girls who left for college with premixed coffee powder, powdered milk and sugar. So all they needed to add was the water. Now that's for the cooking illiterate, u have to admit!

    By Blogger video, at Fri Sep 01, 04:27:00 PM 2006  

  • Good one. Cooking ain't so easy always.

    By Blogger priya, at Fri Sep 01, 06:27:00 PM 2006  

  • LOL! Hope he wasn't desperate enough to eat what was left of the bird!

    By Blogger Nee, at Sat Sep 02, 12:35:00 AM 2006  

  • lol!!! u dont even kow how many girls wud be grateful for tht advice (i for one)...heehee...
    thanks for helping me save the recipie i havent tried yet ;p

    By Blogger Pri, at Sat Sep 02, 01:49:00 AM 2006  

  • Hehe... i can imagine the smoked chicken or rather burned chicken lol!! ^_^ for sure he won't touch anything in kitchen again :P

    ... i admired guys who can cook ^_^ not the one who make fire :P

    thanx for droppin' by on my blog TDNA ;)

    ... enjoy weekend!


    By Blogger lil _kath, at Sat Sep 02, 09:11:00 AM 2006  

  • Cooking is for chix.

    By Blogger Crashtest Comic, at Sat Sep 02, 12:02:00 PM 2006  

  • you cant boil water? how did you pass chemistry?

    By Blogger Shreemoyee, at Sat Sep 02, 04:00:00 PM 2006  

  • Sush, dumbdodi, jamie:
    Thanks guys.

    True about trial and error. We bought a new microwave and it took me a while to figure out how to make coffee again :)

    Haha! Did you microwave them for an hour or something?

    la vida loca:
    you almost wrote my biography ;)

    jay are:
    To be really safe, I should probably take him some so he wouldn't try to cook while I am there

    party girl:
    Yes, chicken really really well done :)

    Pre-mixed coffee, powdered milk and sugar? Now that's being prepared. Were you one of them? ;)

    ain't easy? It's impossible most of the times, at least for me :)

    LOL! I should check with him. I won't be surprised if he did!

    Haha. If you want to learn from others' cooking mistakes, I am the only one you will ever need to talk to. I made 'em all :)

    How can you imagine Kath? Any stories in your past we should know? ;)

    You missed the "wihtout instructions" part. Chemistry lab did come with instructions.

    By Blogger Twisted DNA, at Sat Sep 02, 06:24:00 PM 2006  

  • That is a disability if you dont know how to cook. I am sure he learnt from that mistake.

    By Blogger starry nights, at Sat Sep 02, 09:16:00 PM 2006  

  • well in that case i guess that i am an exception...cause the last time i popped that frozen bird into the 'oven' it actually smelled aromatically right and even tasted quite delicious...and yes, it wasn't beginer's luck!!


    By Blogger Nachi, at Sat Sep 02, 10:03:00 PM 2006  

  • LOL :) that's funny...and it's pretty rich of me to laugh at your poor friend becoz i'm a terrible cook myself.

    I can just about boil water and make omelettes :)

    By Blogger Aqua, at Sun Sep 03, 04:52:00 AM 2006  

  • Thats scary! Thank God nothing happened to him!

    By Blogger indianangel, at Sun Sep 03, 04:54:00 AM 2006  

  • lol

    Link this to your idiotproofing post;-D

    Btw Nice blog..

    By Blogger mommyof2, at Sun Sep 03, 09:09:00 AM 2006  

  • That was just hilarious. I am not much of cook myself but I can follow a recipe pretty well. And if there is a word in there I cannot understand, well that's what long distance calls to my mother are for...

    By Blogger Rohini, at Sun Sep 03, 09:19:00 AM 2006  

  • :)

    By Blogger Tarini, at Sun Sep 03, 03:22:00 PM 2006  

  • ROFLZZ! OMG I laughed so much reading this! tnxxx so much for this post today mate cos I just needed it. Im not in the greatest of moods today so yeah this was a treat lol!

    **In a moment of hallucination he thought he could cook


    **cremated bird


    Gosh u write so funny and I love reading ur posts :):) TY!

    btw I hope ur friend still loves chicken.


    By Blogger Keshi, at Mon Sep 04, 12:06:00 AM 2006  

  • lol...too funny, and well written

    By Blogger Varsha, at Tue Sep 05, 02:59:00 AM 2006  

  • hey..
    dont lump all men together.. its a mistake i could have made.. and one that my cousin (female) made too. i guess women in our family should just leave the kitchen to the men who truly belong in it :p
    by the way..why is there a star near my name in your blog roll?

    By Blogger the mad momma, at Tue Sep 05, 06:32:00 AM 2006  

  • Hilarious!!!!

    Poor bird...poor gourment chicken..cremated in a microwave!!

    By Blogger Mary Poppins, at Tue Sep 05, 09:59:00 AM 2006  

  • Thats what I call burnt smoke chicken!

    And its ok..its always the recipes fault...see in my case also, it was the recipes fault..otherwise I am not so bad a cook!

    By Blogger Neha, at Tue Sep 05, 10:30:00 PM 2006  

  • very witty

    By Blogger artnavy, at Wed Sep 06, 03:14:00 AM 2006  

  • hehe...yeah somewhat :P and pls. dun ask what happened lol!! ^_^

    By Blogger lil _kath, at Wed Sep 06, 07:33:00 AM 2006  

  • starry nights:
    Yes, he learnt not to try to cook again :)

    You do sound like an exception. That comment should definitely go on your personals ad

    "I can just about boil water and make omelettes :)"
    You are still better than me :)

    You know, I actually didn't bother to ask him if he was OK :) He was shaken from the experience but he sounded OK

    LOL! I didn't think of that. Yes, this post sounds like an extension of idiot-proofing

    Haha. You are right. I have seen these long distance cooking lessions in action before... hell I tasted them before :)

    Thanks for visiting!

    Hey thanks so much for that comment. Ya, he still loves chicken, cooked by others

    Thank you thank you :)

    the mad momma:
    "dont lump all men together"
    Not all me. Hence the qualifie "most men"

    "i guess women in our family should just leave the kitchen to the men who truly belong in it"
    Also known as made for each other

    "why is there a star near my name in your blog roll?"
    It means your blog has an update in the past day or so. It's an option in the blogroll settings.

    mary poppins:
    I hope he prayed for it's soul's peace after the cremation :)

    Exactly, that's what I tell people. If recipies are for people who can cook well, then what is the need for recipies? :)


    Haha! I will wait for them to be posted on your blog :)

    By Blogger Twisted DNA, at Wed Sep 06, 08:37:00 AM 2006  

  • OMG

    By Anonymous WA, at Tue Sep 12, 06:16:00 PM 2006  

  • a croissant for a 1:15 (one minute and 15 seconds) .. dear aunty's kitchen burned down.. she wasnt happy ..

    By Blogger Isha, at Tue Oct 24, 05:17:00 AM 2006  

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