Blend in like a sore thumb

Most of us*, Indian-Americans, strive to blend in into the American society. It's amusing to observe some of the measures we undertake:

1. We start rolling our "r"s. Unfortunately we can never pronounce Rs like the natives do. So we end up sounding as if we had some vocal cord deformity.
2. Most us who never wore shorts in life start wearing shorts as soon as we enter the US, choosing completely to ignore the visual abomination we perpetrate. Indians who venture into wearing shorts should take a look at themselves in the mirror. If one’s legs look like bamboos with hair on them, one must avoid shorts at all costs.
3. Start following American sports such as football (of course we call American football, football), baseball and basketball. Then we discuss these sports loudly with Americans at the water-cooler as if we have been watching these sports all our life
4. Try our hand at wit and make jokes when in a group. Humor is a very cultural thing. Unless practiced with caution, it often ends up with a bunch of blank stares in one’s direction.
5. Start using profanity. We used to say “What the hell, yaar.” Now we say “What the fuck.” We think using the language employed by plumbers and construction workers takes us one step closer to being American
6. Start drinking beer. Half my friends who drink beer never drank alcohol before. Now they drink beer to look “cool” at a party.
7. We start wearing wedding bands on our left ring-finger. If somebody doesn’t wear one, we say, “Oh, I assumed you were not married since you were not wearing a wedding-band.”
8. When in the company of Americans, we start blaming India and off-shoring for taking away our jobs!
9. When a new comer to US says “First floor” to refer to second floor, that is, the one floor above ground floor, we act all confused and lost.
10. When at office or meetings, we put our feet up on the table/chair and we keep them there no matter who else in the cube/meeting room, just to prove to ourselves that we are behaving like Americans.

*”Most of us” does not mean “all of us.” Not all Indian-Americans exhibit aforementioned symptoms and not all of them exhibit all the symptoms.