Next stop, insanity

Friday, June 30, 2006

Indian Party – Blow by Blow

T – 2 weeks

An evite for a kid’s first birthday arrives. You can count on the following things in the evite: picture of the kid, Indian restaurant venue and a shot at bland humor

T – 3 days

Evite reminder begging people to RSVP as half the people didn’t bother to respond

T + 00:01

Some guests, who haven’t yet learnt the meaning of Indian Standard Time, arrive and start searching for the hosts

T + 00:30

The hosts arrive with the kid. The kid is dressed in some suffocating miniature traditional Indian dress. The kid looks as if he is going to cry any moment and the parents assure the guests, “He is a little uncomfortable but he will be fine”

T + 00:31

The kid starts crying

T + 01:00

Majority of the guests start trickling in, an hour late, completely oblivious that they are actually late

T + 01:05

All kids start running around the function hall, chasing each other, bumping into chairs, tripping over wires and knocking over drinks.

T + 01:10

People try to make small talk, shouting over the high-pitched Hindi music played loudly through the cheap speakers provided by the restaurant

T + 01:15

The appetizers arrive. Typically it's Pakora + coconut chutney + some red mystery chutney.

T + 01:30

The cake is brought out and left on the table. Kids start hovering like fruit flies with their fingers itching to poke the cake as soon as possible

T + 01:45

Hosts and guests gather around the cake. The birthday kid starts crying uncontrollably, terrified by all the commotion

T + 01:50

Screams are heard as the designated photographer pushes through the crowd mercilessly crushing peoples toes

T + 01:55

Hosts freak the kid out more by shouting “blow the candles, blow the candles” and shoving the kid close to the candles, at which point the kid flaps desperately trying to jump out of their hands

T + 2:00

Of course, the cacophony of 50 people singing Happy Birthday in 60 different pitches

T + 2:10

Just when people start feeling faint because of starvation, the dinner buffet is ready

T + 2:11

Some non-Indians look quite confused as they thought the appetizers were the actual dinner and have already finished their “dinner.”

T + 2:15

People, having had their dinner and nothing else to do, start to leave

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